getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
