Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
