I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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