I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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