he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
