Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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