I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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