I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
