I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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