He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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