meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Randomize
