Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
