nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
