the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
