Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
