I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
