Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
