In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
