I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
