I'm gonna have a badass scar
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
