**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
