Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
