I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
