I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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