i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
