Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
