That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
