Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
