Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
