so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
