chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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