when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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