Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
40s are totally the cure
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
