do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
