I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
