I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
