dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
