I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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