You made me cry and you don't even care
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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