Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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