I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Less talking, more tequila
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
