Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
