There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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