Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
