he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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