Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
