How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
