It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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