Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
