she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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