Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
